Book Review: The Yellow Emperor's Cure by Kunal Basu

This is a remarkable book in many ways - ambitious, layered, dense with characters, and obviously the product of a lot of research. It spans two countries in terms of geography, but references a dozen others. It has a singular plot, but a plurality of digressions, lending it the air of a putative epic novel. Kunal Basu has been writing for some time with a fair amount of success and it is fair to say that he has a pretty sure grip over the language and the milieu he writes about. He knows a lot about the orient and his best success previously has been a story based in far East - The Japanese Wife, later made into a eponymous arthouse movie.

The Yellow Emperor's Cure is set primarily in China in the era between the Opium wars and the Boxer rebellion. The protagonist, Antonio, is a brilliant Portuguese libertine and surgeon, whose charmed, and charming, life is rudely jolted by the news that his famous, hugely admired father has contracted a deadly form of syphilis. That one fact changes him completely, starting him on an obsessive quest for finding a cure for the deadly disease and save his beloved father. He soon realizes that there is no cure in Europe or America - just a few hints and rumors of a almost magical cure in China guarded by their inscrutable doctors and medicine men. This is based on anecdotal information that the Chinese seemed not to be as affected by syphilis as the Europeans. The European sailors came back racked by the disease after visiting the fleshpots of the Far East regularly, while the Chinese seemed to fare better overall.

In his desperate quest for the "Yellow Emperor's Cure", Antonio leaves his both his best friend and betrothed behind and sets sail for China. Luckily for him, his father's fame, and his own stature and connections ensure that he's welcomed and given royal treatment wherever he travels. Even in Peking, he is provided bed and food at the Dowager Empress' palace with the empress' personal doctor Xu teaching him the Chinese systems of medicine. His native European arrogance frequently causes him to dismiss the esoteric methods the Chinese use, while his desperation to cure his father makes him an impatient student. 

That is, till the doctor's beautiful assistant, Fumi, arrives as a replacement teacher. 

The mysterious Fumi turns his world upside down, acting as both teacher and lover, friend and maddeningly exotic adversary. Her dark past and incomplete back story consumes Antonio, who now wants to know everything about her and her earlier, murdered paramour. In fact the book now takes a turn towards a mystery novel where Antonio now wants to know more about Xu, Fumi and the Empress, but his quest gets more and more dangerous, because the anti-foreigner Boxer Rebellion has started. Whose side are the Chinese on? Are they friend, or foe? What will happen to Antonio and hs quest for the cure? These answers take up the last third of the book.

In the middle of all this there are a host of characters, mostly European, some with important and many others with bit parts to play - most of them representing various nationalities who stay in closed walled communities, gotten rich because of the opium trade, but now scared for their livelihoods (and lives) because of the incipient and inevitable Boxers' "spirit army" revolution. Add to these eunuchs, prostitutes, soldiers, beggars, thieves, and you have a cornucopia of characters that should make for a rollickingly colourful and exciting book.

The puzzle then for me was - and there is no way to put it delicately - with all these elements mixed in, why is so much of the book such a crashing bore?

There were stages in the book where I could barely will myself to turn the next page, so somnolent were the words, so static the story. Of course some parts are interesting and informative, but nowhere while reading the book could I ever use the word "excited" to describe my experience. Now, I am perfectly willing to believe that it's my failing. My tastes might have been corrupted by reading too many Steig Larssons and not enough "literary novels". But the truth is, as I reread my comments above, they seem to promise a book more interesting than the one I actually read. 

This is not to say it's a bad book. It is obviously is the product of an enormous amount of research. I just wish Mr. Basu had resisted the impulse to put it all in this one book - the number of characters is immense - at least 5-10 could have easily been cut out. Some details are redundant - used only to prove Mr. Basu's research rather than contribute to the book in any tangible way. I get the feeling there is a more interesting book hidden within this one - one that is only 250 pages long instead of the current 350 odd pages.

For people who like arcana and milieu-based novels, this book might yet be a good read. I suggest they go for it. People who prefer shorter, snappier, faster reads should probably skip this one.

This review originally appeared on the Book Lovers Review Blog on May 21, 2012. 

Implementing the RTE: Practical Solutions

Since the government passed the Right to Education Act (RTE), the nation has been feverishly debating the tenets. Now that the Supreme Court has validated the act, the reality has finally set in. This act is law and thus, has to be implemented.

In the last few days may educators and pundits have written about the RTE, from both positive and negative points of view. As expected, Left leaning commentators like Mihir Sharma have lauded the act, while others like Meeta Sengupta have been more critical (see here, and here). Basically in a simplified fashion, the points for and against the act are these:

For

• India is an elitist country and quality education has been restricted to a few. The RTE democratises education.
• Schools that have taken government aid or land at subsidised rates have a duty to abide by government rules and policies. In any case the government already mandates many rules for private schools.
• Education needs to be more democratic to give real life lessons to kids. In foreign countries, every one studies together regardless of social background.
• It is the duty of private citizens to provide for their less fortunate brethren in terms of education, in terms of increased fees.

Against

• This is forced social engineering. You cannot put different societies into a room together and force them to get along. There will be grave adjustment issues.
• The government should not have a say in what private schools do or who they admit, especially since they are not helping in any way.
• The law is illogical and un-implementable. There are too many unanswered questions and the government has taken no step in trying to even provide a practical approach to addressing them.
• The government is outsourcing, free of cost, its duties of educating society, while not caring about abysmal standards of its own schools.
• The school fees of children in private schools will increase, as they will have to subsidize 25% extra children and the school will obviously pass the burden on to them. This will cause a huge burden to middle-class families who struggle to send their children to private schools.

Personally, while I understand the social concern, and support the concept of egalitarian education, I find the the law to be more theoretical than practical. I feel it's badly thought out, badly framed, and has little connection to the real world it will impact. There are little or no guidelines for implementation, and based on the Education Minister's remarks it would seem that the law will be implemented, in most cases, on a wing and a prayer. Supporters of the law could call me biased and there's a case to be made for that, since I send my daughter to a private English medium school, automatically catapulting me to the ranks of the “elite”. However, my attempt is, independent of personal preferences, to see how best it can be implemented. The law is passed and the die has been cast. I am more focused on the addressing the real-world problems that implementation will undoubtedly throw up. 

Implementation

It has to be implemented, we all know that now. The question is - what is the most effective (I was admonished for using the word "painless") in a previous draft) method in which it can be implemented to the best benefit of everyone it affects? What are the practical ramifications of the law? Most importantly, what practical measures can a school take to ensure compliance with the least amount of disruption? I think there are three main angles that need to be considered by schools while implementing the RTE. These pertain to Social, Educational, and Financial disparities between the children.

1. Educational Disparity

Adjustment issues can be mitigated by initially creating a separate section for underprivileged children. Now please note, I am not advocating segregation. What the separate section will do is provide a path to gradually assimilating them to a new culture and way of schooling they might not have been used to in the past. This will work like a remedial education class, with the objective that after a fixed time period, say a year at most, all the children will be integrated into mixed classrooms.

The temporary separate academic activities for the underprivileged kids, would ensure that the teachers can concentrate on coaching them to knowledge and skill levels equivalent to an ‘elite’ child before they can study together. This will ensure that the poor kids do not feel inferior or insecure at the beginning, and also that the class is not interrupted while the teacher has to repeatedly explain linguistic concepts to some kids, where the others are proficient already.

2. Social Disparity

Along with education, the school will also have to ensure that there is a path towards a future where the social disparities between the children do not impact their growth and education negatively. This is easier said than done because class biases are frequently ingrained in children from an early age on both sides of the social tracks. However, children are also very adaptable and far more willing to abandon their biases when presented with the correct opportunities and education – both by teachers and parents. One way of doing this effectively is through sporting activities.

It is my belief that even as the academics is disaggregated at the beginning via different classrooms, the games/sports time SHOULD be spent together, giving the kids from different social and financial level/strata an opportunity to interact while at their most equal, carefree, and happiest.  And it has been observed, and you might agree, that children bond best while playing together without being influenced by social encumbrances. Other non-academic areas of integration would include cultural activities – music, singing, poetry, and dramatics – where all kids can participate at equal levels. This non-academic interaction will foster a healthy respect for each other’s abilities and talents outside of the pressure of academic comparisons and performance.

This phased integration will help in ensuring that the “culture shock” is reduced and dispersed over a period of a a few months (maybe a year at most) and the children can ease into studying, and interacting with each other on an equal basis.

3. Financial Disparity

One of the elephants in the room that “elite” parents fear but don’t talk about, except in the safe confines of their living rooms, is the fear of their kids being targeted because of their financial status. This targeting, they fear, can take the form of snatched away food from tiffin boxes, or stolen watches, compass boxes, pens etc. This fear, however unfounded, makes them hesitate to put their kids in mixed settings.

While this fear might rarely realized in practical life, there still is the  possibility that a "poor" child will be enticed at the sight of a shiny new compass box that his parents would not be able to afford him/her, especially given the predilection of rich parents nowadays to gift expensive baubles to the apples of their eyes to prove their love on a continuing basis.

The only effective way to address this bias is for the school to decree that the students not carry any item to school that be above a certain monetary value. The school can, for example, mandate a couple of brands of reasonably priced compass boxes that everyone should purchase. The same goes for notebooks, calculators etc. Kids have no need of wearing watches in junior school, in any case. Cellphones and PlayStations should be banned outright. Many schools have actually implemented this rule already, with fair success. Now this will have to be done not just as a nice-to-have, but a need-to-have.

Conclusion

I feel these measures would ensure that the act can be implemented with the least amount of disruption in the educational lives of our children. It is not going to be easy, and there will be many barriers to the successful implementation of the RTE, but since implementation is imminent, the best way to do it is in a planned, calm, and practical manner. To do this we have to both confront and address our experiences, biases, and conditioning and take measures to mitigate as many possible problems as we can think of.

Finally, I sincerely believe that the school boards like (ICSE, CBSE, the state and international boards will have to get into the act to ensure that their curriculum is amended to address the new requirements. Innovations like multi-track curricula, incorporation of regional language education into the main curriculum, and flexible scientific testing will be needed to allow all children to perform at a certain level. It is only when the curricula are flexible enough to adapt itself to changing realities that the act will really be successful in implementation. 

The Old Man In The Housing Complex

I first heard about the old man in our housing complex from my daughter's 16-year old babysitter. I mean before that I had seen him walking around the complex but didn't really know anything about him till the babysitter spoke to me about him. Now a bit of background - our housing complex is similar to hundreds in Bombay, a group of buildings aggregated together in almost haphazard fashion in a certain area with a common boundary wall. Each building was a different housing society sharing a common area where the kids played every evening. As you'd expect there are many kids in the complex - ranging from a few months old (in their mothers' arms) to preteens playing "lukka chhupi" to teenagers knocking a football or a shuttlecock around.

Coming back to this "uncle" - he was seen every evening walking around the complex a few times carrying his infant grandson in his arms - the very picture of a loving, doting grandfather. After a while, a little tired due to his age and the burden of lifting a young child, he would down on a chair near where the kids play and watch them, an indulgent smile on his face, intermittently talking to his grandson in his arms. Sometimes he would call out to the playing kids and talk to them. Sometimes he would shout encouragement in their sporting endeavours. Sometimes he would ask the girls to come closer him and tickle and play with his cute baby grandson in his lap, as young girls are wont to.

So apparently this old man was very fond of the young girls who play together in the complex. A little too fond, according to the babysitter. He would call them, run fingers through their hair, caress their cheeks, put an arm around them - all pretty innocent gestures, except that the hand would remain in their hair just a tad too long, the pat would last just that little bit longer, the arm around the waist would squeeze that little bit harder, than the girls were comfortable with. Added to that were some inappropriate comments. Once he said to the babysitter when she wore shorts - "Aaj tum bahut sexy dikh rahi ho" ("You are looking very sexy today"). She was so shocked she never wore shorts in the playground again.

The thing was - she never told me this at the time it happened. I learned about this a few months later when I mentioned that I had taken a picture of a cute boy who was being carried around by his grandfather with my camera. Her immediate reaction was - "Bhaiyya woh achha admi nahin hai. Ajeeb hai" ("He is not a nice man. He is weird."). Upon my asking why she recounted the incidents to me. My immediate concern was my daughter, of course and I asked he if he had ever tried to get close to Tee (our nickname for her). He had not, to our relief, either because she was too young, or or because Tee was too indifferent to an old man sitting in a chair to walk up and talk to him. Plus the babysitter had ensured that she never let Tee get close to that man.

My mind was in a whirl. There were other children to consider, not just mine. On the other hand, there was no reason for taking any direct action because he had not done anything illegal. There had been no molestation as such - just an unnamed feeling of discomfort. I reiterated to the babysitter that while the man had not done anything bad yet, it made perfect sense for her to not just keep Tee away from him under ALL circumstances, but ensure all girls in the complex - maids, kids, babysitters, everyone - be careful around him. I was also curious if it was just her overactive imagination that had made her feel that way. However, that she said, Interestingly, that other girls who she played with, had also experienced the same sense of ickiness when near this man. And best and most gratifyingly, they had actually discussed it among themselves and decided to collectively, to politely boycott the man! Either education and knowledge of good and bad touch, or an innate sense of self preservation had made these kids take preventive action on their own!   

That's exactly what happened, and old man soon realized that not a single kid seemed to be interested in talking to him any more. In fact many would just move away from the immediate area when he arrived. Nowadays he stays within himself, still walks his toddler grandson around and does not seem to be trying to befriend other children.

Sometimes I wonder - was I overreacting? Was the babysitter lying or overreacting? Were the kids overly imaginative? The answer to all these questions is - Yes, maybe. But how does one know? And how can one take the chance? In the absence of any obvious illegal act, there was nothing official we could do. But it would be equally irresponsible and stupid to ignore or brush aside the feeling that teenage girls get when they are "creeped out". All in all, I thought we reached a satisfactory solution. But still when I see him in the complex now, I shudder involuntarily. Every time.

Only one thought bothers me. All indications were that the old man seemingly wanted to be close to girls. But what would I have done if it were boys instead, given he had a grandson he was with all the time? And what if his next grandchild is a girl?

Note: This post is in support of the Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month - April (CSAAM), and is cross posted on the CSAAM blog here.

The Sari Story: A Male Perspective

The year: 1987. The cinema theatre.

A voice crooning, “Kate nahin kat te ye din yeh raat…,” Sridevi, and a wet blue sari. Can we ever forget that? That is possibly one of the most iconic cinematic images of our hormonal teenage growing-up years. I can’t say for sure, of course, but that Alisha-Kishore song, and most importantly, the imagery, might just have been the spark for the lifelong fascination with the 6 to 9 yard garment known as the sari.

Flashback to: 1975-1980. Childhood.

Of course the sari has played a role in my life throughout - both before and after Sridevi, apart from cinema. Most of the earliest memories for Indians are entwined within the saris of our mothers and grandmothers. How safe those folds of my granny’s sari were, how warm and inviting - a place of repose, rest, and recuperation. A place where I could hide from strangers, and place from where play peek-a-boo with friends. A normal accepted ritual was wiping my hands with my granny’s pallu after washing my hands. It was as if no matter how much soap I used, the cleansing was complete only with the soft touch of granny’s sari. For many growing-up years the sari was a secular garment, representing only the daily and the mundane, the safe and the trusted. It was something every older (a generation older than me) woman around me wore daily - a functional, even slightly mundane dress.

Then the teenage years, and the hormones, kicked in. The sari would never be the same again.

The year: 1987. School.

I blame Mrs. Mathur for changing our view of the sari totally and irreversibly. No fault of hers really, when I look back and think about it. She was the junior English teacher at our school. I am sure she walked and talked the same way for the many years we knew her. I am even sure she wore the sari exactly the same way. But wonder of wonders - suddenly one day she looked different. The hitherto purposeful walk seemed feline, the so-far straight posture seemed louche, and the sari, from being a practical, usual dress, suddenly seems artfully draped to tease us with that louche felinity, with brief glimpses of skin - a sleeveless shoulder here, a bare waist there. It was suddenly almost too much to bear. In front of our very eyes, Mrs. Mathur had metamorphosed from a fairly unremarkable, sweet lady into a menace to hormonal teenagers’ educational prospects.

Then came Sridevi and the song, and the blue chiffon. Sigh.

Forward to: 2002. College hostel. Saraswati Puja in Kolkata.

This was the one occasion where we were allowed into the girls’ hostel (and vice versa), ostensibly to view the idol and pay our respects so we could all get a good education. As it turned out, the most awesome education on the occasion was driven the fact that all the girls wore saris that day. A frisson of disbelieving excitement ran around the room. Where was the pimply girl who we liked to make fun of? Where was the fashion disaster who would wear large bindis with jeans? What happened to the girls in skirts but with hairy legs? We gaped with open mouths - the girls we met every day in college, and frequently ignored, suddenly seemed to have been replaced with magazine models in their colorful and distinctive saris! What a revelation for the gangly, awkward, sweaty boys wearing mismatched clothes! Saris actually made women look even better than they normally did. In fact saris made them look beautiful! Sounds obvious now, but at the time I (and I would bet most of us), suddenly felt unworthy to be standing before such a collection of statuesque, unattainable beauty. It was a sober, bemused lot that came out of the girls’ hostel that day.

Year: 2005. University days in Pune.

I could barely believe it. Two amazing things had happened. First, I had a date for New Year’s Eve (someone actually agreed!). And second, she was wearing a black sari (yessss!), when we went to pick her up in my friend’s car on our way to the RSI Army Ball. I was also dressed smartly for a change, but how proud I felt to have that lady in beautiful black silk dancing with me that evening. She just stood apart from the usual skirt and dress wearing girls – resplendent and statuesque. I got a renewed respect for the sari that day. Of course she didn’t have much to do with me after that, but while my memory of her has faded, the memory of that sari remains distinct.

What explains this fascination men have for saris? The short answer is - I don’t know. I am sure experts will be able to provide psychological, Freudian, Jungian, Oedipal explanations. But what I know is this – there is no other dress that enhances women’s intrinsic beauty like the sari does. And it doesn’t ever get old. How can it? Look at the variety! Look at the styles! Imagine in your mind’s eye, Malayali women in cream and gold huddled around a rangoli celebrating Onam, and then the Bengalis celebrating Durga Puja in their white and red bordered saris, smearing sindur on each other. Imagine Gayitri Devi in the finest silk and Rekha in a Kanjeevaram; remember Indira Gandhi in handloom weaves, and Raja Ravi Verma’s ladies in Paithanis.

It’s been a long relationship - saris and me, and I still cannot get enough. Of course I might be open to charges of sexism, and I have been told so by women occasionally, because I extol the aesthetic virtues of the sari apparently without caring for the difficulties women face in wearing and getting around in them.

In my defence, while the sexism is unintentional, the aesthesis is ingrained n the male gaze. I cannot help it. Long live the sari!

A version of this article was published in eSakal in November.

India's 9/11 (part 2)

Okay here are a few more thoughts:

1. What if we cancel white elephant deals like buying an old warship like Admiral Gorshkov and use the $2 billion to create an urban counterinsurgency force with the latest in training and equipment? Maye we can just train and arm the current NSG better!

2. What if we decide to have a moratorium on all elections for 5 years and use the money saved to replace the policemen's trusty bamboo lathis and 303s with submachine guns and the flappy cardboard "bulletproof" ponchos (for want of a better word) with Kevlar?

3. What if we institute the draft, where every person between 18 and 20 gets a compulsory one/two years of army experience, like Israel, so that everyone has some knowledge of what to do in emergency situations?

4. Dunno, but here's another thought. What if we have templated rapid action response plans based on a 100 hundred hypothetical emergency situations, so that it does not take 36 hours to realize that the terrorists might be watching TV inside and knowing what is the next step to be taken by the army!

5. What if the PM and Leader of the opposition decided to work as a national government for 3 years to ensure that:
a) all decision are taken by consensus
b) no decision will be opposed for the heck of it
c) all decisions are taken in the national interest

Radical thought, eh?

6. What is Mulayam Singh and company, AND the CPIM politburo are arrested for sedition, for aiding and abetting terrorism, and generally acting against national interest?

Ok, now I am floating into pipe dream category. Scratch the last one, but I believe that all the others are practicable, if there is political will and genuine love for the nation.

Our 9/11

26th November is our 9/11.

I don't know why, but the fact is that this attack on Mumbai is different from all that has happened before. Bomb blasts are one thing. But this is unspeakable, maybe because this is so preventable. A little better security, a little better anticipation, and we could have given a far better answer to those bastards. Consider the following:

1. What if all hotels had emergency exits, smoke alarms and enough space around them so that fire engines could reach even the floors easily?

2. What if the fire engines and firefighters had better equipment so that they could reach higher into tall buildings is required? What is they had access to floor plans of all the major buildings and complexes in their vicinity. What if these plans were all fed into a central database accessible by all emergency services?

3. What if there were a protocol for all armed services to work together seamlessly in the event of domestic terror attacks?

4. What if they had better equipment than "bullet proof" vests that flap in a weak breeze?

5. What is there is a laid out response plan for several different terrorism situations? Step-by-step response levels so that it does not take 20 hours to realize that cable connections to the hotels should be cut to prevent terrorists from knowing what was happening outside?

Sigh...more later...I guess

Revenge of the Tasteless: The Himesh Movie

Aap Ka Surroor...The Moviee...The Real Luv Story is a hit. And I was trying to understand why.


I guess this movie is a hit because it finally breaks all pretensions. No pretension to acting, no pretension to having a story, no pretension to good music, no pretension to logic - even the character is named after the leading man! This is the ultimate self referential movie. This movie is not hypocritical at all. It never even wants to rise to the level of art. IT does not care whether it should be called cinema or even have a plot. It is a WYSWYG movie in totality - a movie made by Himesh for his fans who want to watch Himesh - good, bad, or ugly.


Look at the people who feel justified by this movie. Talentless hacks with huge egos, people with quirky sartorial tastes, paedophiles who eye pubescent girls, supporters of the indiscriminate use of the Hindu mantras, autorickshawalas who dream of banging into expensive cars in rage, bald men wearing caps - all are going to be inspired by this movie, and that's a significant percentage of the population!


From the fans perspective, this is the Revenge of the Tasteless. Too long have they been looked down upon by the more articulate, the intelligent, the snobbish for their lowbrow tastes in music and idols. Too long have they suffered that inferiority complex just because they could not appreciate serious movies or Gulzar's lyrics, or classical music. This is their breakthrough. Himesh has proven to them that lowbrow is acceptable, it is prevalent, it is en vogue, and of course, it is now also desirable! Not only should people accept their stupidity, they should revel in it, be proud of it, and propagate it!


Himesh stands for everything they want to have and, for a change, possibly can have! For if a guy like Himesh can make it big, so can they. When a Hrithik or an Abhishek makes it big, their personalities, skills, physicality, pedigrees are too far above the normal person to even aspire to that level. But Himesh, if he can become a hero and a famous singer with that voice and those looks, then so can the average shopkeeper. No actor currently can claim to be so close to the average Rakesh, Kamlesh, Mahesh, or Durgesh, than Himesh!


I guess the hoi polloi has spoken. And truly, who among us doesn't have that sneaking admiration for Himesh for having pulled this audacious stunt off? Everyone thought he couldn't, but for him. And he proved everyone wrong. You have to admire that, even if you don't admire the product. Even if you lament the likely effect - more sequels, more singing, more Himesh.


Scurry for cover, all ye with taste. Your days are done.


PS: To read a great review, go to Greatbong's blog.

Cross posted on my other blog - India Cynical

Coach Conundrum

Well, it seems all Graham Ford wanted was to visit India for a couple of days and feel needed a bit; and maybe a hug as well. He has turned down the most high profile and risky job in the world of sports - coach of the Indian team!!!

Let's try and examine the possible reasons:

1. It was too hot - Truth be told, this was not exactly the ideal time to be visiting India for an interview. The weather might have convinced him that the cooler climes of Kent were vastly preferable to the boiling boondocks of Bombay.

2. He remembered Woolmer just in time - Maybe someone wanted to gift him a bottle of champagne after he was confirmed. Always a bad idea, especially since the Woolmer champagne incident. He probably began to have visions of being carried out on a subcontinental stretcher!

3. He felt bad for Emburey - As was reported, after being rejected, Emburey drowned his sorrows in drink the the hotel bar. Maybe there they met, and Emburey poured his heart out to Ford. How he needed the job, how his 8 children were going to starve otherwise, how his wife really wanted to get that natural tan in India....Ford is, by all accounts a people person. Maybe he couldn't take the guilt.

4. He saw the Indian team practice - That would demoralize the best of men, watching this team running, fielding, batting, and bowling. Can't blame him for thinking that this job would not only be Herculean, but Sisyphean as well.

5. He saw Dravid captain - That would be a deal breaker for any coach, actually, except for Greg Chappell, who was fine because he got to captain the team by proxy himself. Ford being a back room boy, might have balked at being another Daddy to Dravid.

Okay, so what now? There are a few options that BCCI would be comfortable with. These are given in order of BCCI preference:

Coach Options

Option 1: Get Ravi Shastri to coach through the TV - This is very viable and Ravi will have no qualms doing that. After all he can run down to the pavilion and coach the team every alternate 30 mins when he is off his commentary time. BCCI already think he's a winner because he was team "manager" during the wildly successful tour of Bangladesh! And Shastri can be counted upon never to let ethics get in the way of a little coaching on the side.


Option 2: Ask Gavaskar to just appoint coach himself - After all Gavaskar has given his opinion on everything so far. The only thing he will not do is take any responsibility himself. However, before we condemn him for that, we must remember that he has taken tremendous responsibility in criticizing whatever others have been saying or doing.


Option 3: Appoint Mohinder Amarnath coach - What a refreshing change it will be to get back to the halcyon days of cricket - where there were no computers, bowling machines, or technology to intrude on the simple pleasures of playing cricket. Mohinder will show how a team can be coached only with the help of a small Indian flag.

Option 4: Appoint John Emburey as coach - Well, we have rejected Dav Whatmore, and Ford's rejected us. That leaves only one foreigner in the fray - the lucky loser Emburey! With Gavaskar's support (bet even Gavaskar didn't see this one coming), he could well be a great stop gap coach for the next three years. Looked at it one way, he doesn't have much to lose. He can't be worse than Chappell (no one can), and expectations will be rock bottom anyway, so whatever he does will be accepted with equanimity.

Option 5 - Appoint Sandeep Patil coach - Naah, forget it. Scratch that option. He's only coached Kenya to the WC semis, and he's has coaching practice and credentials, but c'mon, a) he's Indian, and b) he's never solicited for the job either to the BCCI or to famous senior players. Who the f*** does he think he is anyway?

___________________

Update:

It seems Emburey has rejected the position as well. Maybe he wasn't comfortable accepting charity from a fellow Englishman. That kind of reduces our options a bit doesn't it? But no fear. Greatbong has the perfect solution!

The Politics of "Articulate"

Poor Joe Biden has got himself into trouble by praising Barack Obama. You might well ask, how can someone get into trouble by praising another person? Well that happens in PC America. His mistake? He called Obama "articulate", and the shit hit the fan. Evidently the word is racist when used for Blacks. I didn't know that, and I bet neither did Biden, but there it is. The liberal left and the African American intelligentsia is outraged. The NYT has some astoundingly spluttering, enraged reactions...

Now this really irritates me. How does one know which word is offensive to a certain section of society? Should this just be a hit or miss? Maybe oppressed minorities all over the world should come out with a list of words and contexts in which they are offensive. And remember, even if you take care not to praise a Black person in case he/she finds it condescending, there is no guarantee that others will not. Take this quote in the same article:

"But here is a pointer. Do not use it as the primary attribute of note for a black person if you would not use it for a similarly talented, skilled or eloquent white person. Do not make it an outsized distinction for Brown University’s president, Ruth Simmons, if you would not for the University of Michigan’s president, Mary Sue Coleman. Do not make it the sole basis for your praise of the actor Forest Whitaker if it would never cross your mind to utter it about the expressive Peter O’Toole."


Hmm...okay, but what about other non-balanced contexts? Can I use the word for Mary Sue Coleman, if I don't use it for Lawrence Summers? Or will she then consider it offensive because I used it for a woman and not a man?

What if I use it for Paris Hilton instead of Susan Sarandon. Will Paris be offended because she is part of the mentally retarded minority? Hahahaha...okay the last sentence was a joke. I wonder who would call Paris Hilton articulate? Lindsey Lohan perhaps.

Anyway, coming back to the original point, it's probably time that minority stop scrutinizing each and every comment, or statement, or word through the prism of racism and just sometimes give speakers the benefit of the doubt. Remember the human vocabulary, especially English is really not enough to convey our thoughts completely ad sometimes we use words because there are no immediate alternatives in our minds. The intentions needen't be racist all the time. And neither are words. A word like "articulate" is in no way comparable to, say, the N word because "articulate" is used universally.

Let us not vilify and marginalize a word just because of perceived connotations. We have already done the same with "gay" and "come". Let's not put "articulate" in the same category.

Our vocabulary is limited as it is.

Things I Did that Make Me Cringe Now

Have you ever done something makes you cringe when you think about that now? You know, stuff that makes you go - "I can't believe I actually liked that novel!" or "How could I ever watch that movie 4 times?" No? Well I have few skeletons like that in my closet - things that makes me want to jump off a cliff in shame when I think about them now. Let's talk about a few, but please, please don't judge me... Heh

1) I used to love Yash Chopra Movies. There. I've said it. There was a time when I thought Yash Chopra was the greatest director in Bollywood. I had his filmography memorized. I loved Silsila, Kabhi Kabhi, Chandni, Lamhe, Darr, all of them. I loved the mushy romance, and the white sarees. I thought even Sridevi looked good in Chandni. I loved the songs. Arrrghhh!

I know. The malaise was deep and dangerous. I grew out of that only by the end of my graduation days. Luckily. Now I trash the films like the best of them. Yay!

2) I used to think Shah Rukh was a great actor. This started in school. I know. Simply inexcusable. But what to do? We were all such great fans of Fauji, that we wanted to see him in anything. I watched Circus avidly. I even watched Doosra Kewal. Ah, I bet you don't remember that one. And what about Idiot, based on Doestoevsky? He was there in all of them.

And then, after an expectant lull, came Deewana, his debut film! As he banged his head against the wall (literally) and croaked, "Maa, mujhe Kajal de de maaaaa..", we were transported! What an intense actor! What passion! It took us a while to realize that we would be watching variations of that scene again, and again, and some more, for the next 10 years, interspersed with the other expression, the dimpled smile.

It took Aamir Khan to teach me what acting was.

PS: But I still feel that the only movie in which SRK acted "Aamiresque" was Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa, his best till date. Conversely, Aamir acted like SRK in a movie called Mela. Strictly avoid.

3) I used to like Ravi Shastri. This is simply too much, I agree. But in my defense, I was a sensitive child. I used to feel for the guy. He was booed all the time, in every match, in every venue without fail. I used to feel sorry for him. But there was no effect on him at all! Then he captained India in one match, and we won that. A 100% record. How about that? I used to argue that we missed a fine captain, much to the amusement of my uncles and other relatives. My one moment of vindication was the Champion of Champions trophy, where he bowled us to victory and got that dratted car.

As wisdom grew, and adulthood happened, and I got to hear more and more from him on ESPN etc, I realized what a disaster India had averted. I also began to more smpathetic to the wisdom of crowds. To his credit, he does not exhibit any shame at all, either when putting his hand on women's thighs on the Shaz and Waz Show, exhorting batsmen to bat fast (hahaha), defending Sachin Tendulkar come what may, or when trashing Sourav Ganguly come what may. He is, as always, a consistent idiot.

4) I thought baggy pants were cool. How I used to envy the classmate who wore the baggiest trousers while I was wearing straight cuts. Sigh. In retrospect, thank goodness for my granny's rationality, who simply refused to buy me one.

5) I supported VP Singh. This, I am truly, madly, deeply ashamed of. These were school days, when we had suddenly started thinking what with Bofors and all, Rajiv Gandhi was ruining the nation. VP Singh, the clean, uncorrupt crusader was going to be the messiah. We wore VP buttons to school, and when the elections came, I actually cast a false vote (being underage) against the Congress, just to make VP win.

We know what happened later. Mandal, Devi Lal. Unmitigated disaster. That incident shook me up so much that I have never voted again in my life, and has coloured my impressions of politicians irrevocably. Not just me. An entire generation of idealistic youngsters like me have been traumatised by their misguided support for this slimy, populist son of many fathers. VP Singh, you snake. I hope you rot in hell. And I hope you get there soon!!!!

Someone asked to make blogging regularly my new year resolution. Easier said, and even more easily done - the resolution, I mean. Sticking to it is like giving up smoking - I haven't been very successful in either.

Let's see. I will be in the US for a month starting 15th. Maybe away from the vissicitudes of Bombay life, I will get more time to update my blog. Or am I consoling myself?

I have to write about the most amazing film I have seen in the last couple of years. Yes, I watched Rang De Basanti yesterday.

I don't have the time to review the film right now (if you want a good review visit Rashmi Bansal's blog here. but all I can say is - GO AND SEE IT! It's a must for all people who love films, great acting, and fantastic music.

And yes, it's original - totally. Maybe I'll post more about it later.

Hello and welcome. This is a new blog so there is bound to be a lag before i get any visitors at all. But let's start anyway.

I usually have plenty to say, but not enough time to say all of it. That lack of time probably accounts for the sanity of my near and dear ones.

Let's just hope I will have time to compose and post regularly. No specific topic, but whatever comes to my mind. The posts will be interesting, even provocative, so that some discussion is generated.